She yelled those words out. Hot tears ran down her face as she ran off into another room. She was nearly shaking from how upset she was. They didn't seem to care how hard she had worked cleaning, washing, organizing the cupboards, cooking meals and making this house nice for everyone. She was angry...really angry.
As she began to pray and ask God for help to get through to the loved ones in her home (because you know, it was all them) she felt like God literally picked her up, sat her down and spoke to her as audibly as if He were standing right in front of her. "My child, do you not remember what I said in My word?" Colossians 3:23 "Work willingly at whatever you do, working for the Lord rather than people" WHAT? God! I am doing it for you but I'm doing it for them too! She literally felt like God took her arm and gave "that look" -you know, the one every child never wants to see from their parent?..yeah, that one. She knew God was right, if she had been doing it just because she was supposed to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman she would not react so poorly when someone didn't respect what she had done.
As I sat there reeling from the very vivid conversation I had just had with God in my room, I realized I had some changes to make in myself. I admit, I struggle with this one. I love organization, I make everything orderly in the cabinets, on the shelves, in the fridge and because my love languages are acts of service and words of encouragement, I feel that if my children keep things that way they are loving me. In reality, I was focused on the wrong things. My expectations were wrong. Sadly, most of the reasons I get upset about things like this is because my focus was on the wrong thing. I feel a lot of problems we experience in life could be alleviated by having our focus where it needs to be. I was upset because I had worked hard to clean and organize everything the way I wanted it and I felt wronged because they didn't seem to care what I had done. In my mind, kids should recognize how much work goes into doing these kinds of tasks.
As I thought it through, I wondered how many times God could feel this way. He sacrificed His ONLY son so we don't have to burn in hell forever. How many times does He have to teach me the same lesson, how many times does He convict me of something before I change it? What kind of example was I being to my kids? I teach them to react in with a soft answer like Proverbs tell us but is that what I'm living? Oh how patient God is with me! If He can be this patient, loving and merciful to me and if He is my example of what a parent should be....WOW! I have some work to do. Not around the house, in my heart and life.
Then I was given an opportunity to live out some change not long after I was convicted to allow God to change me. I felt like God just lived it through me. Instead of getting upset inside - ok, for a fleeting moment I was irritated, I quickly thought to myself, thank you God for the opportunity to serve my family. Thank you for a house to clean and cabinets to organize. I have to admit, I felt better about it after that.
This was a very rough lesson God showed me. I had no idea the ways I would be tested to live this commitment of change out. When you ask God to help you change....LOOK OUT! He will give you the tests necessary to mold you into what you need to be. Although not easy to go through at the time, it is always worth it in the end.
I am not going to say that I have conquered this battle at all! I have been working on it pretty hard. There have been times I have literally felt I would bite my tongue off...but, God has really helped me focus more on my own response. Now, lets pray that I will continue to give this to the Lord because it is the only way I will be changed. It is not through my own power but with HIS strength I am able.
Care to share any lessons you've learned?
